We need NEW Black women in relationships

Part 2: Relationships

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Why are NEW black women needed to reshape black relationships, what went wrong?

Marriage disfavours black women

The statistics makes a strong case - black people ( both men and women) are not getting married in the 2000s like they did pre-90s era. There are many reasons, one of them being the deculturalization of the black race, but also the feminist and ‘independent women’ movement. So what are the numbers are saying:

Marriage stats

• There were only 106,499 civil marriages in 2021.

• The number of registered marriages consistently declined in the ten-year period (2012 to 2021), except for a slight increase of 0.6% between 2015 and 2016 and an increase of 19.2% between 2020 and 2021,”

• Least registered marriages were in Gauteng (24%) and highest in KZN (55%)

• Gauteng though had the highest number of civil unions (53%)

• The median age for spouses-1 and spouses-2 were 35 years and 33 years, respectively.

Divorce stats

• In 2021, black African couples had the highest number of divorces compared to other population groups – this pattern has been the same for the ten-year period (2012 to 2021),

• There were also more women (54.8%) than men (33.7%) filing for divorce. The median ages at divorce in 2021 were 45 years for men and 41 years for women.

  

What could be the causing this?

Frankly, the black nation is the most modernised, deculturized and lost from its core identity. We will keep blaming colonisation for this, granted it’s the foundational cause, however over the years, millennials and gen-z are waking up to much of the past actions that have led blacks where they find themselves today. Be it financial disempowerment, political or social. It cannot be then that we are complicit in enabling a system that continues to place us on the footnotes whilst all other cultures seem to be doing better, colonisation or not.

Enter the glorification of independence

Both men and women have been fed this independence fallacy. Women have suffered the most because naturally, they were never meant to work hard, head homes, or create economic wealth. Though women have been leaders in ancient times, they were always closer to homely duties, leading in food production, caretaking and raising kids etc., whilst men made the hard decisions and took care of the livestock -the wealth of the family. Now that roles are switched, we are seeing more feminine men - and masculine women. Money has been made the bargaining chip to what relationships should be. Gender roles have been abandoned for feminist stances - giving women equal rights, whilst suppressing their femininity and what made them more desirable. As a result women no longer see the need to seek long term relationships, or even stay when the going gets rough.

Sex is used incorrectly

Men no longer need to go to brothels to get sex. Firstly, there is no longer respect for sex. It’s a commodity. It’s used in exchange for benefits in the relationship. For money. To prove performance in bed. Desirability. It’s not sacred or special that both parties respect it enough to wait. These days a female who makes a man wait or a man who waits on the woman, is seen as a waste of time. Yet sex should be the last thing that both parties get from the relationship.

Why the need for a new class of black women?

Self respect. Honour. Grace. Women who will place principles and values before money or sex. Women who will want to build families, communities and their men too. Patient and virtuous women who will seek the wisdom from elders, prayer and ancestral spirits for strength because it is the woman who has always bore the brunt of shaping and nurturing those around her. That is our natural birth ability. It is through those qualities that children grow to be upstanding community members with self love and respect. That boys respect girls and girls respect themselves.

This class of women who go galavanting, drinking and clubbing, who don’t see anything wrong with being half naked in public, who publicly crucify men for being “non starters” or “non providers” and place their materialistic worldly aspirations over what is more important in life- NEED TO GO!

There is a reason why the black society struggles the most with marriage and long term relationships. Why things go south once there are kids involved. Again, we need to go back to basics. Men should seek to understand what makes them men and what they need from women. Women should start accepting that independence and feminist ideals have failed the black female population and is the very reason why black people have broken homes and communities.

Thanks for reading SEX:

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